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Aug. 28th, 2007 10:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xenithSunday night, when we went to bed, Jaz was obviously not happy. She was groaning & complaining a lot. She kept this up most of the night. Often when I checked on her, she was sleeping on the bedroom floor, she'd be trying to lay upright but she'd just fall over to the side.
By 4.30 am, it'd become a constant shriek, so I got up. She'd stop when I spoke to her or patted her, but start again when I left. I got into an upright lying position, and as her head was around to the right, she managed to stay up.
I went and had a shower, and found she'd finally fallen asleep, holding herself up by her nose. Silly pup. She stayed asleep, although every ten minutes she'd barking loudly, the "go away" back.
About 8.30 I rang up the vet and got her in early. Just after nine when I checked on her, she was still sleeping upright but had managed to get her head stretched out properly and looked to be sleeping comfortably.
At 9.15 I went into the bathroom to get ready to take her to vets, and she was lying stretched out, but not groaning, so I went to check on her and she didn't respond. Her eyes were dull, but I've seem like that when she's deep asleep, she was still warm but she wasn't there. I held her and screamed :(
We buried Jaz in mum's yard just after 6 pm last night. My sister came by on her way home from work.
We put in her red lead, her bowl, that still had the tender lambs chunks we'd bought her on Sunday in it, the new tennis ball she'd never played with and my old jeans, because she liked to sleep on my clothes. I think that's everything a little dog needs. Then some daffodils and the first tulip & iris from mum's garden.
Two weeks, even a week ago, she was happy, active little dog. She shouldn't be dead.
There's a scene in the novel I'm working on now, where Tibe is talking to his foster father. Dari says "How many of us get to die in our beds surrounded by those we love?" One thing I was always afraid of was having to decide whether to have her put down or not. Instead she died in her sleep, in the same place she always slept, knowing her person was near and watching over her.
When we buried her, mum said she was the most alive looking dead animal she's ever seen, and she's seen too many. But she was a Jack Russell and they're always lively, even when dead. She was always the epitome of what a JR should be :)
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Date: 2007-08-28 02:16 am (UTC)So sorry for your loss.
Tom
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Date: 2007-09-03 10:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-28 05:37 am (UTC)I'm so sorry. I know how much you loved her.
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Date: 2007-09-03 10:45 pm (UTC)Thanks :)
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Date: 2007-08-28 10:54 am (UTC)On the last day of the world
Rising with the blood-crimson sun I shall
seek the place where you have dwelled and
together we will break our fast among ruins
where the mighty hang from offal-laden
crucifixes at the pleasure of the multitudes
who at last their vengeful voice hath given tongue.
On the last day of the world
there will be honey-cakes and amber wine
slow kisses and blood-rich venison roasted
over paper fires; words of plausible madmen,
consigned at last, at long last to their proper fate,
and we will play upon violins and ancient harps
and the joyful music of forgotten lovers will ring
as the hateful pages one by one
turn to ash and rise into the rich and smoky air.
On the last day of the world
there shall come an end to the endless voices
which have wearied us with their wasted wisdom
And blood at last shall answer all the wrongs
of small and gentle people in the vanquished silent spaces
and the terrible, wondrous joy of knowing
no dread deed can ever be undone
will rise like champagne bubbles
and we shall grow giddy and fall laughing
to lie in complicit innocence upon the ancient, dying earth.
On the last day of the world
you will paint your supple velvet skin with
ochre and crimson, and I shall don the warlike blue
dance barefoot to the music of breaking glass
baptise the flames in blood and melancholy
while the choir hymns the tide arising
and the waves reclaim the long-held forfeit
of our sea-enriched forefathers who
spurned the sullen, silent soil.
On the last day of the world
I will take you in my arms and
taste the mystery of your flesh
all the words between us lost
all our striving set at naught
arm in arm together we shall gravely,
joyously herald the long,
long night.
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It was created for somebody else, but it draws upon the loss of a loved one. Dogs count too.
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Date: 2007-09-03 10:43 pm (UTC)Not nice to make people cry when they're using public access internet :|
Thanks though.
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Date: 2007-09-03 10:43 pm (UTC)This is what I think. I think it's how I'd like to die, in about say, 70 years time.
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Date: 2007-08-28 01:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-03 10:51 pm (UTC)This is good :) I'd say everyone should have a pet, but that'd make me a hypocrite I think.
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Date: 2007-09-04 02:14 am (UTC)It's always something in life. No free lunches. :)
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Date: 2007-08-28 01:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-03 10:45 pm (UTC)Thanks, and for your support too :)
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Date: 2007-09-03 10:48 pm (UTC)That was the hardest bit, I think. That she was, can't think of right word, that I was the one who was supposed to make her better & I didn't.
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Date: 2007-09-03 04:11 pm (UTC)Countless tales, she was part of you.
When I would get worried you were alone..
I would think of Jaz with you and that made me happy.
I know she made you happy..
reading that made me cry..
I too loved her and never meet her..
Always be there for you M..
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Date: 2007-09-03 10:42 pm (UTC)((hugs))
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Date: 2007-09-15 07:25 am (UTC)