Some Old Jokes
Jun. 13th, 2010 09:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xenith"I'm afraid of lightning," murmured a pretty young woman, during a storm.
"Well, you may," sighed her despairing lover, "when your heart is steel."
(Examiner, 6 February 1847)
Somebody asked George Coleman the difference between an attorney and a solicitor.
"The same, I believe," said Coleman, "as between a crocodile and an alligator."
(Examiner, 6 February 1847)
A recruiting sergeant lately accosted an honest hand in Northumberland. "Come lad! You'll fight for your Queen, won't you?"
"Fight for t' Queen?" answered Andrew, "why, hez she fa'n oot wi ony body?"
(Examiner, 10 February 1847)
INCIVILTY
Amanda declared she'd not lend me a kiss,
Though I tried all I could persuade her;
I ne'er heard a thing so uncivil as this,
As she knew I'd have quickly repaid her!
(Hobart Town Gazette, 6 August 1824)
A SIGNIFICANT REPLY.
"Thomas," said a sponging friend of the family to a footman, who had been lingering about the room for half an hour to show him to the door, "Thomas my good fellow, it's getting late isn't it? How soon will the dinner come up Thomas ?"
"The very moment you're gone, Sir," was the unequivocal reply.
(The Sydney Gazette and NSW Advertiser, 7 July 1836)
Some conundrums from the Sydney Gazette and NSW Advertiser (24 September 1829). I took out the ones that repy on someone's name because they're not going to make sense. Not that all of these make sense.
Why is a vine like a soldier?
Because it is listed, has ten-drils, and shoots.
When is tobacco most like wine?
When it's in a pipe.
Why is an oyster like a covetous man?
Because it is shell-fish (selfish).
Why is the Alphabet like a hive?
Because there is a bee (A B) in it.
Why is a man handing a rope aloft on board a ship, like one who can't make out a Conundrum?
Because he gives it up.
What four letters spell an Ambassador's title?
XLNC (Excellency).
Why are rooks nests like a great crime?
They are High-trees-on (high treason)
One that I wasn't sure about including, but it doesn't make sense to me. So am I missing something, or did some editor substitute "Indian" for a different term without thinking what they were doing (or assuming readers would know what was meant)?
Why is a mule drawing a barge like an Indian?
Because he is a Mule at tow (Mulatto).
And to finish, a few from The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction, Volume 12, 19 July 1828 By Reuben Percy
"If Britannia rules the waves," said a qualmish writing master going to Margate last week in a storm, "I wish she'd rule them straighter."
Why are washer women busily engaged like Adam and Eve in Paradise?
Because they are so-apy so happy
Why is a widower going to be married like Eau de Cologne?
Because he is re-wiving
Why is a sailor when at sea not a sailor?
Because he's a-board
:)
"Well, you may," sighed her despairing lover, "when your heart is steel."
(Examiner, 6 February 1847)
Somebody asked George Coleman the difference between an attorney and a solicitor.
"The same, I believe," said Coleman, "as between a crocodile and an alligator."
(Examiner, 6 February 1847)
A recruiting sergeant lately accosted an honest hand in Northumberland. "Come lad! You'll fight for your Queen, won't you?"
"Fight for t' Queen?" answered Andrew, "why, hez she fa'n oot wi ony body?"
(Examiner, 10 February 1847)
INCIVILTY
Amanda declared she'd not lend me a kiss,
Though I tried all I could persuade her;
I ne'er heard a thing so uncivil as this,
As she knew I'd have quickly repaid her!
(Hobart Town Gazette, 6 August 1824)
A SIGNIFICANT REPLY.
"Thomas," said a sponging friend of the family to a footman, who had been lingering about the room for half an hour to show him to the door, "Thomas my good fellow, it's getting late isn't it? How soon will the dinner come up Thomas ?"
"The very moment you're gone, Sir," was the unequivocal reply.
(The Sydney Gazette and NSW Advertiser, 7 July 1836)
Some conundrums from the Sydney Gazette and NSW Advertiser (24 September 1829). I took out the ones that repy on someone's name because they're not going to make sense. Not that all of these make sense.
Why is a vine like a soldier?
Because it is listed, has ten-drils, and shoots.
When is tobacco most like wine?
When it's in a pipe.
Why is an oyster like a covetous man?
Because it is shell-fish (selfish).
Why is the Alphabet like a hive?
Because there is a bee (A B) in it.
Why is a man handing a rope aloft on board a ship, like one who can't make out a Conundrum?
Because he gives it up.
What four letters spell an Ambassador's title?
XLNC (Excellency).
Why are rooks nests like a great crime?
They are High-trees-on (high treason)
One that I wasn't sure about including, but it doesn't make sense to me. So am I missing something, or did some editor substitute "Indian" for a different term without thinking what they were doing (or assuming readers would know what was meant)?
Why is a mule drawing a barge like an Indian?
Because he is a Mule at tow (Mulatto).
And to finish, a few from The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction, Volume 12, 19 July 1828 By Reuben Percy
"If Britannia rules the waves," said a qualmish writing master going to Margate last week in a storm, "I wish she'd rule them straighter."
Why are washer women busily engaged like Adam and Eve in Paradise?
Because they are so-apy so happy
Why is a widower going to be married like Eau de Cologne?
Because he is re-wiving
Why is a sailor when at sea not a sailor?
Because he's a-board
:)
no subject
Date: 2010-06-13 11:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-14 02:13 am (UTC)Only on the surface, I think :)