Families & SF & stuff

[xenith]

I keep thinking about something that came up at the Group a couple of meetings ago. (I call it the Group, the proper name is Adult Aspergers Support Group but it's a more like a social group, sit around and talk, and have afternoon tea). One of the newer guys asked why people on the spectrum (POTS?) found themselves with similar people. He was referring to partners, and the response from the others was divided. Some agreed that yes, that was the case and it was probably because they found it easier to relate to someone who knew where they were coming from. Others said, no, that wasn't the case and it might be because their partner was their "passage" to the non-ASD. (With a comment from a younger member about trying to breed more to stop being a minority.)

The conversation soon turned to friends and family in general. A lot of ideas thrown around. Like, people with strong interests want to meet up with other people who similar interests, and they're more likely to be Aspies as well. And the association between the science fiction & fantasy community, and autism. And why is that? Is it cause or effect i.e. are people who feel like outsiders likely to be attracted to the SF&F (or introduced it to via friends), or are people who SF appeals to more likely be outsiders?

One of the women talked about families where a lot of members have "autistic traits", and how they rub each other the wrong way all the time because of their "quirks" but they're very close. I thought, that sounds familiar. Describes my family quite well :) Annoying as hell, but if something goes wrong, they'll be there to help because that's what family is like. But apparently they're not all like that.

So that's what I find myself thinking about now whenever I get annoyed with my mother. Which happens quite often. We got on much better when I lived in a different city. (And don't mention her and Melbourne. Gah.) But I still know she's the most wonderful mother.

Comments

[dsgood.livejournal.com]

Seems to me to sf readers (and writers) tend to have poor people skills; but few are aspies or auties. So someone on the autistism spectrum might come into sf fandom and find that they're actually better at dealing with people than many fans.

[monissaw.livejournal.com]

You'll probably find the % is much higher than you realise. Many of those fans & writers with poor people skills probably are on the spectrum, but they don't know. I think most adults don't realise. They have anxiety & depression, or some OCD symptoms, or ADHD, or they're just shy or... And it would never occur to them that they're on the autistic spectrum because we have this distorted view of what (high-functioning) autism actually is. That's why I'm trying to write these posts, but they're hard to do. (But on your last point, yes. Definitely.)


(And if you think it's not possible for some to grow up and not realise, I managed it for 41 years. Not a clue. That's a common story amongst people who join the group. They're in their late 30s, 40 or 50s (the guy I mentioned in my post was 52) before they find out.)