There are two reasons why it matters if I write a post every day.
First, as I get down, I want to withdraw and not deal with people, and I start thinking my thoughts are worthless and no one wants to know them. If I write something down, no matter how trivial or silly it might seem while I write it, then I'm making myself think it's not worthless, and also making myself connect.
Second, it's an accomplishment. Only a little one maybe, but it's a counter against the negative thoughts that build.
Of course they still build up -- every thing someone says to me gets twisted into something bad, every silly thing that goes wrong or doesn't go right gets twisted into something worse, every little stresser builds up and so it goes until I hit the bottom. I curl up in the corner and cry for a couple of hours, and that washes away all the negativity. Not that it's a downward spiral. It's more short periods of anxiety/depression followed by periods of positiveness and productivity. More like one of those stock exchange graphs -- fluctuating up and down, but trending downwards. Annoying because I can see it happening, but can't really stop it. Even if I know there are things I should or could be doing, but they become too hard.
Meh.
So, writing these things is Important. And how many have I missed this week? :)
First, as I get down, I want to withdraw and not deal with people, and I start thinking my thoughts are worthless and no one wants to know them. If I write something down, no matter how trivial or silly it might seem while I write it, then I'm making myself think it's not worthless, and also making myself connect.
Second, it's an accomplishment. Only a little one maybe, but it's a counter against the negative thoughts that build.
Of course they still build up -- every thing someone says to me gets twisted into something bad, every silly thing that goes wrong or doesn't go right gets twisted into something worse, every little stresser builds up and so it goes until I hit the bottom. I curl up in the corner and cry for a couple of hours, and that washes away all the negativity. Not that it's a downward spiral. It's more short periods of anxiety/depression followed by periods of positiveness and productivity. More like one of those stock exchange graphs -- fluctuating up and down, but trending downwards. Annoying because I can see it happening, but can't really stop it. Even if I know there are things I should or could be doing, but they become too hard.
Meh.
So, writing these things is Important. And how many have I missed this week? :)
