Twas the night before Christmas
Dec. 23rd, 2006 09:02 amFrom ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
buffysquirrel
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a tech-toy was stirring, not even the mouse.
The Flash drives were hung by the server with care
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would shareware.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of MySpace compiled in their heads.
And mamma in her headphones and my iPod and I
Had just downloaded roxxor tunes thro' the WiFi
When outside, yes outside, there rose such a clatter,
I hibernated the laptop to see what was the matter.
Behind last year's monitor, I found it-the door
Then opened it twenty pico-metres; no more.
The moon on surfaces reformatted with snow
Gave a halogen's lustre to what was on show
When, what to my short-sighted eyes should appear
But a miniature sleigh, and eight virtual e-deer.
With a little old driver, and ten cans of Coke
Either it was St Nick, or some holiday joke.
More hyper than sugarbabes his e-deeries came
And he promoted, and smirked, and called them by name!
"Now Cherry! now, Diet and No-Cal! now, Lemon!
On, Caffeine-Free! On, C2! Splenda and Zero, on!
To the schools, to the canteens, to everywhere!
Now sell away! Sell away! Sell away there!"
As customers that before tainted product fly
Back to Evian and Perriere, bye bye blue sky.
So up to the sat'lite dish the e-deeries flew
With the sleigh full of Coke, and St Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The snap of crackers hoping the Wi-Fi would goof.
As I bolted my door, and was turning around,
Out of the desktop St Nick came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
With last year's "Fur is Dead" sticker still on his boot.
A bundle of Games he had flung on his back,
With add-ons, and gadgets, and the odd expansion pack.
His eyes-how they blink-tagged! his dimples how twee!
His cheeks were CC0 000, his nose FF3 333!
His droll little mouth was drawn up round no teeth,
And the beard of his chin was all stained brown--good grief!
The stump of a pipe he hid behind his back
And his pocket half-concealed a cigarette pack.
He had a broad face, and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like CPR jelly!
He was chubby and plump, a right unfit old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, so much like myself!
A chug of his aspirin and angina pills
Soon gave me the Chrismas over-indulgence chills.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Installed Parental Protection, and SpyWare, and Quark.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the Wi-Fi he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like a dog with the gristle.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
"Don't forget to use eBay, for gifts that weren't right!"
buffysquirrelTwas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a tech-toy was stirring, not even the mouse.
The Flash drives were hung by the server with care
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would shareware.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of MySpace compiled in their heads.
And mamma in her headphones and my iPod and I
Had just downloaded roxxor tunes thro' the WiFi
When outside, yes outside, there rose such a clatter,
I hibernated the laptop to see what was the matter.
Behind last year's monitor, I found it-the door
Then opened it twenty pico-metres; no more.
The moon on surfaces reformatted with snow
Gave a halogen's lustre to what was on show
When, what to my short-sighted eyes should appear
But a miniature sleigh, and eight virtual e-deer.
With a little old driver, and ten cans of Coke
Either it was St Nick, or some holiday joke.
More hyper than sugarbabes his e-deeries came
And he promoted, and smirked, and called them by name!
"Now Cherry! now, Diet and No-Cal! now, Lemon!
On, Caffeine-Free! On, C2! Splenda and Zero, on!
To the schools, to the canteens, to everywhere!
Now sell away! Sell away! Sell away there!"
As customers that before tainted product fly
Back to Evian and Perriere, bye bye blue sky.
So up to the sat'lite dish the e-deeries flew
With the sleigh full of Coke, and St Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The snap of crackers hoping the Wi-Fi would goof.
As I bolted my door, and was turning around,
Out of the desktop St Nick came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
With last year's "Fur is Dead" sticker still on his boot.
A bundle of Games he had flung on his back,
With add-ons, and gadgets, and the odd expansion pack.
His eyes-how they blink-tagged! his dimples how twee!
His cheeks were CC0 000, his nose FF3 333!
His droll little mouth was drawn up round no teeth,
And the beard of his chin was all stained brown--good grief!
The stump of a pipe he hid behind his back
And his pocket half-concealed a cigarette pack.
He had a broad face, and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like CPR jelly!
He was chubby and plump, a right unfit old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, so much like myself!
A chug of his aspirin and angina pills
Soon gave me the Chrismas over-indulgence chills.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Installed Parental Protection, and SpyWare, and Quark.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the Wi-Fi he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like a dog with the gristle.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
"Don't forget to use eBay, for gifts that weren't right!"
